Friday Flash Fiction part four

Amy C at Romance Book Wyrm and Dottie atTink’s Place have come up with the idea for a Monday Morning Flash Fiction challenge. Each Monday a new picture prompt will be posted and if you choose to participate – you post your Fiction Flash  on Friday – 350 words, give or take. Unfortunately I am pretty sure  the picture posted last Monday couldn’t be included into my story in any way (you can see it below) .

 It features a very nice guy who is most probably an elf (if you enlarge the pic you will notice his pointy ears). Well, what a pity my narration doesn’t feature elves. Neither them nor sweet deer, standing in the background. 

I had two choices – either start something new (and use the picture according to the rules) or continue my original story (and ignore the picture).  I chose the second option.  It’s up to you to judge whether I was right or wrong. 

Here’s the fourth part of the story of Neelya:

Zavi woke up. He was stiff and sore, lying face down on hard, wooden floor for undoubtedly longer than he would wish. When he tried to get up he found his hands and feet bound. Oh great. He remembered then. Being nice and polite to women is completely useless. If you know what’s good for you you will treat them mean all the time. Murq often said it and he was right.

Neelya regained her consciousness the same night Murq left the inn. Zavi took care of her as he was taught to do with witnesses of magic, no matter what gender, skin colour or age. No unnecessary cruelty, kill them with your kindness, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, do as you would like to be done by, blah blah blah. He brought her food and water, sometimes chatted with her, even sent a maid to change her sheets, wash her and empty her chamber pot. His attention was very welcome – it earned him even a gracious ‘thank you’. He never touched or kissed her, behaving all the time like a perfect nobleman. Neelya always greeted him with a radiant smile – maybe because he was handsome, maybe because, being half- Thavosi, he spoke her mother tongue fluently. Zavi told her he had saved her life fighting bravely in her defence and many other nice falsehoods. It was a white lie, wasn’t it? She kept smiling so he continued his made-up story in a gentle, quiet voice, a voice people compared so often to mulled wine or smooth silk or warm, spiced mead. Any story seemed probable and beautiful if somebody was telling it with such a voice. Neelya beamed, nodding all the time, but her eyes glittered dangerously. He should have known something was wrong.

When he knocked and entered her room the third day, with a tray laden with scrumptious breakfast (‘her last breakfast’ he thought, ‘it must be extra good’) , all of a sudden he felt blinding pain on the back of his head and then saw no more. He didn’t know how long he was out but when he became conscious again he found himself Neelya’s prisoner. Stupid, stupid girl – she wasn’t aware that her action couldn’t change anything. It could only make things worse. However, temporarily, she managed to make things worse for him. She started to shout. Typical.

She accused him of lying to her through his teeth, called him names he hasn’t heard from a very long time, gave him a whack or two with her own belt (a sturdy piece of leather) and then shouted some more. One sentence caught his attention: she said she was gifted, a gifted royal archer-guard or something like that, a high-born lady and the relative of the king so how he dared to abduct her and touch her at all with his filthy paws…

Gifted… that’s why she knew he had lied to him, unaffected by his charming voice…that’s why…

He couldn’t even start to explain the gravity of this piece of news, providing he would outshout her of course, when the door opened. A man in a long black cloak entered the room. Neelya, as surprised as Zavi, gaped at the newcomer in a most un-ladylike manner. The stranger’s eyes swept the room quickly, taking in the weird scene before him in a second and then he said :

– Untie him, girl. Right now.

His voice was raspy and strong. Neelya did as she was ordered without one word of protest. ‘That’s the power of a black cloak and the ordering charm’, thought Zavi, ‘I must purchase the cloak as soon as…’

– Stand up, young man. Are you master Zaviroc of Nar, an independent mage ?

– Yes, sir, that’s me.

– Tell me is this young woman your witness of magic ?

– Yes but…

– Girl, move to the corner over there and stand still.

Neelya positioned herself as she was told in complete silence, like an automaton. A funny expression was frozen on her flushed face, something between surprise, abhorrence and stubbornness.

– Master Zaviroc come nearer me and grab my cloak.

– No, please, let me explain, sir, please, just a few words…

– No time for that young man. Do you think I have a whole hour to deal with you? Do as you are told or you can join the girl.

– No, please, the circumstances changed, you have to listen to me…

– How did they change?

Zaviroc gathered his thoughts and said quickly with more swagger, emulating Murq as well as he could:

– I’ve just found out that my witness is gifted. I couldn’t lie to her for starters – she was able to recognize the falsehood in my voice. She is a future mage. I claim her as my apprentice and I intend to present her before the High Council for registration as soon as possible. Your mission is thereby aborted.

– I see…incredible coincidence but it happens. What’s her name ?

– Neelya.

The cloaked man closed his eyes and concentrated hard. Then he said:

– Neelya, you are free.

Neelya returned to life with a horrible shriek, worth ten hags and twelve angry cats kept together in a very tight bag.


– Neelya, please…


– Shut up, girl. – said the cloaked man almost lazily, seeing that Zavi was left speechless.

Neelya went quiet instantly although her eyes were still bulging and her mouth – moving. Zavi breathed with relief.

– Thank you, sir. I will be grateful if you’ll let my apprentice stay this way for a quarter of an hour or so until I explain the most important facts and some basic rules to her.

The cloaked man smiled thinly.

– As you wish. Good luck, master Zaviroc. You will need it with such an apprentice. Travel well and get home soon.

– Thank you, sir. Travel well.

Mulled wineImage via Wikipedia

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11 Responses to Friday Flash Fiction part four

  1. Great continuation of your story. 🙂 No, it did not fit the picture – but I was glad to read more about Neelya.Have a wonderful weekend.M

  2. Tracy says:

    Yes, I'm glad you continued with the story – though I have nothing against handsome elves. And this one is perfectly legible – that version 2.0 obviously had some bugs still to be ironed out.

  3. anachronist says:

    Thanks for your comments! I am also glad this time nobody had any troubles with seeing the whole post!Michelle have a splendid weekend too! Tracy I think there were no bugs just some formating problem – I am glad I managed to get rid of it. Handsome elves? Not here. Here will be some handsome mages. Zavi is one but the best cookie is still hidden in my cupboard ;).

  4. Blodeuedd says:

    I like it 🙂 And lol, loving he kitty a lot ;)poor guy though, not his story, perhaps she had a daydream during the day in which he was

  5. anachronist says:

    I like cats so one has to represent me. 😉 This one seemed an appropriate equivalent.About Neelya and Zavi – more is to come. Some new info will be offered next week! Zavi is far from being 'poor' – he is one lucky devil!

  6. Love the kitty!Well done! I'm glad you continued it. Were you wrong? Of course not! It's your work, the only rules are the ones you apply to it. 🙂

  7. anachronist says:

    Thanks Melissa for your kind words! As long as the story amuses you all I will continue!

  8. I'm really enjoying this story. I have to say I like Neelya. I'll be interested to see what we learn in the next installment.

  9. anachronist says:

    Thanks carol, I appreciate every word of encouragement!

  10. Hi Ana!Well… the elf could be a mage mabye… hmmm… sort of…. most elves are magical in someway, lol. Though he just doesn't match the description we already have forming… Still, excellent addition to your continuing story!!Waiting to read more…..Dottie 🙂

  11. anachronist says:

    Hi Dottie, nice to see you here again! Thanks for your comment!

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