Losing It by Cora Carmack

Sometimes I don’t feel like reviewing a book and any help is very welcome. I asked my friendly old computer to do the job this time because let’s face it – the book seemed a bit mechanical to me. Here you got the result – my first computer – generated review. Enjoy!

DIM W% 4  : REM reserve 4 bytes of memory, pointed TO by INTEGER variable W%
> ?W% = 42  : REM store constant 42; equivalent of 'POKE W%, 42'
> PRINT ?W% : REM PRINT the byte pointed TO by W%; equivalent of 'PRINT PEEK(W%)'

Hel-lo. This is an old computer, COM-MOD-ORE 64, speaking. I was asked to read and review a book. New adult book. 

Input material: LOSING IT. Author: Cora Carmack. Source: a sadistic reader. SCRATCH. A curious reader.
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Output ready to be displayed:

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Display:BOOT,DVERIFY

Main characters:

BLISS EDWARDS
sex: female
age: 22
social status: a virgin and ashamed of it. SCRATCH. Mortified of it.
biggest problem: how to get laid without getting laid and how to look hot without looking slutty
possible solution: non-exitent due to fatal logic errors
occupation: theatre student – part time, control freak – full time, idiot – 24/7
brain cells: 3 (?)
my assessment: go jump into a lake you ho.TRAP, RESTORE, a bland heroine without any depth or reason. Another Bella Swan just older but equally stupid.

GARRICK TAYLOR
sex: male
age: between 23 and 30, not precised
social status: drop dead handsome guy with a motorcycle, miraculously single with a real BRITISH ACCENT whatever it means
biggest problem: how to get laid. Period.
possible solution: reading Shakespeare in a club full of skimpily clad females in heat. Shakespeare always draws bitches.
occupation: theatre professor – part time, student snatcher full time, cat stroker in the evenings
brain cells: 3 (?)
my assessment: instantly forgetable, too-pretty-to-be-true theatre geek without one original thought in his head.

Plot:
They meet in a pub. They fall in lust. They kiss. They almost make out. She runs away naked. Some more complications. He is her teacher she is his Juliet. They kiss. She is unsure. He is horny. They kiss. They grope and kiss. Something about theatre. They kiss. Friends meddle. They kiss. She acquires a cat. She is ill. He takes care of her. They finally go to bed together. They kiss. She wants more. They kiss. The cat. They have sex. And kiss. Cat. Kiss. No chemistry. Kissssssssssssss

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Break for a Pac – man game

Back to action

Conclusions:

Faked lust
Faked intensity
Faked forbidden love
Faked passion
Failed to keep me interested.
Faked male character with blond hair falling into crystal blue eyes.
Really idiotic female character – no fake.
No spark. I repeat no spark.

Statistics:

Funny quotes: 4 %
Rubbish content: 90%
Fake drama: 5%
Complete and utter rubish: 1%
Dialogues: wooden 99%
Narration style: wooden 100% mechanical 100%

Recommended to: none. Machines, stay away. Might be deadly for your motherboards. Humans: stay away. You might be a victim of a permanent brain damage. Thank you. Have a nice day.

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