Review: Average Joe and Extraordinaries (Average Joe 01) by Belart Wright

Synopsis (from Goodreads):

While knocking back illegal drinks with his friends at the hallowed Orangetown Pickers’ college football stadium, average kid Joe Black finds himself desperately trying to save the life of a beautiful dark haired woman after a deadly explosion violently interrupts his fun and games. While trying to fathom why he would even do something so reckless he soon finds himself entangled in a dangerous game of terrorist plots, mistaken identities, hard boiled detectives, the criminal underworld, and of all things magic as he tries to escape with his life and make sense of it all.

Joe faces many challenges from all new enemies, assassins, and even his own friends. Can Joe navigate all this danger, escape with his life, and handle his biggest challenge to date, finding something about himself that is truly extraordinary? Find out within the pages of Average Joe and the Extraordinaires.

I received a complimentary copy of this novel from the author in exchange for an honest review – thank you very much! That fact didn’t influence my opinion in any way.

My impressions:

This time let me present my impressions in a form of a dialogue which format I  borrowed straight from the reviewed book so you have a second-hand experience of my torment. Yes, torment. It won’t end well although it has started as usual:

Reviewer a.k.a Me: “I’m reading and reading and reading…and nothing makes sense. This novel must be a joke. Let’s read one more page or two, perhaps I’ll stumble onto something like a tag line.”

Reviewer keeps reading.

Black Devil With a Blonde Wig: “Read on, foolish woman!”

White Angel with a Black Wig: “Stop, can’t you see you are toiling in vain?”

Reviewer starts fidgeting about, neither seeing nor hearing both supernatural creatures but her intuition is whispering that something is wrong.

Reviewer a.k.a. Me: “No tag line in sight. Perhaps I should stop reading.”

Black Devil with a Blonde Wig: “Hey, this author counts on you! You can’t disappoint him or you’ll feel guilty!”

White Angel with a Black Wig: “That won’t end well. Nobody deserves such a bad novel. DNF asap or you’ll feel stupid.”

Reviewer keeps reading, reaching as far as page 69. The page starts with “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!” but there is no appropriate cartoon picture.

Reviewer a.k.a. Me: “No, sorry, I can’t take it anymore. The story doesn’t draw me in, the hero seems stupid, the premise seems stupid it is a sick joke.”

Black Devil With a Blonde Wig: “Hey, who said sick jokes cannot be turned into a good novel? Perhaps it’s a brilliant book but you just don’t see it. Maybe you are too stupid to understand it.”

White Angel with a Black Wig glowers at the Devil hearing those calumnies and lies but what can be done? Oh wait, I know. Something can be done after all.

White Angel with a Black Wig: “Poor little Reviewer…would you like some coffee? It will perk you up in no time.”

Reviewer a.k.a. Me: “Mmmm, coffee, great idea. Let’s take a break and have some coffee”.

Black Devil With a Blonde Wig: “Nooooooooooooo! Coffee is bad for your health! It can raise your blood pressure, give your heartburn, it will discolour your teeth and cause cheilosis! Think about your epic cheilosis! It’s a hellish drink which will ruin your life!”

Reviewer a.k.a. Me, completely discombobulated: “No? Why not?  Oh look, the kettle is boiling, I must grind some coffee beans, percolate coffee and drink my favourite beverage asap! Get lost, ugly Satan and your dire warnings or I’ll set my spiders loose on you – no one comes between me and my coffee!”

Reviewer boils her coffee, pours herself a cuppa and drinks it happily while the Angel is nodding his head and smiling.

Reviewer a.k.a. Me: “Now that’s better. Let’s continue reading…or maybe not. This novel hasn’t made sense from the very beginning – it’s neither funny nor interesting and when it comes to its writing style…well, bring down the curtain on its pathetic writing style and take no prisoners. DNF. My review is coming.

Angry Black Devil With a Blonde Wig  dissolves into thin air – in Hell he is punished with a week of Holy Water baths. White Angel removes his Black Wig and  proudly goes to Heaven where he gets a promotion and a pay rise along with a nice, cherry red Aston Martin Vanquish v 12 coupe as a performance perk.

Final verctict:

I am sorry but this novel didn’t work for me – not even for a while. The cover art I find horrible as well. A complete miss and a total failure.

Rating icon. A stack of books and the words a total failure and an outline of a skull and bones drawn over them.

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14 Responses to Review: Average Joe and Extraordinaries (Average Joe 01) by Belart Wright

  1. blodeuedd says:

    LOL! You are awesome

  2. Aww man! Did you get past chapter 7? That’s where everyone says the good stuff starts to happen, especially once Joe gets back into school and meets the school bullies and there are pranks and the plot begins to make more sense. Dang it! Well can’t win ’em all. Thanks for the review anyways.

    • You are welcome – no hard feelings. No, unfortunately I didn’t get past that ‘BOOOOOOM’ moment. Perhaps a bit more editing would make the whole novel a tad more readable. It’s always a good idea to hook your reader early. And, of course, you cannot win over everybody. 🙂

  3. carolerae20 says:

    hahahaha LOVE it. (not the book, but the review of course)

  4. xaurianx says:

    You keep reading (or trying to) those books I would never look at. I am sorry you are disappointed, I wish you would read one you could actually love.

    • Are you saying I am a foolish reviewer who accepts hopeless books? You are perfectly right. I don’t know whether I deserve anything better. Perhaps not.

      • xaurianx says:

        No I don’t say that. It is just you take a chance on strange and different books, while I prefer reading books by authors I already know and love. I just wish you would find some treasures in them. Your standards are a lot higher than mine, as I go just for entertainment value.

      • Awww thanks I guess. Entertainment is not bad.

  5. rameau says:

    Aha! You’ve cracked the code on how to make a near instant DNF into an entertaining review. Dammit. I just know I can’t replicate it.

  6. heidenkind says:

    LOL Well it was a BOOOOM! and not a KAPOW! I guess…

Comments are closed.