Movie review: The Mummy (2017) directed by Alex Kurtzman

Product info:

Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) is a soldier of fortune who plunders ancient sites for timeless artifacts and sells them to the highest bidder. When Nick and his partner come under attack in the Middle East, the ensuing battle accidentally unearths Ahmanet (Sophia Boutella), a betrayed Egyptian princess who was entombed under the desert for thousands

of years. With her powers constantly evolving, Morton must now stop the resurrected monster as she embarks on a furious rampage through the streets of London.

My impressions:

I decided to watch the newest Mummy movie just for fun. I knew it would be probably a miss but I hoped for at least about one hundred minutes of innocent entertainment. After all, London is such a scenic venue…as is Iraq.

My thoughts after 16 minutes:

Set was the Egyptian god of evil? Or god of death for that matter? Seriously, dear scriptwriters?

Mummification alive according to Hollywood: you envelop a girl with bandages, you put her inside a wooden coffin and then you close her in a sarcophagus. Yeah…

Dear Tom Cruise, if you go to Iraq and want to pretend you’re a local (i.e. an Arab) you’d better grow a solid beard, not go around with your face smooth and shaved.

‘Haram’ in Arabic means ‘forbidden’ not ‘ treasure’.

Liquid mercury deposits cannot be found in Egypt – or in the whole Africa for that matter. How come the ancient Egyptians managed to gather a whole basin of it and transport it to Mesopotamia? A stupid question, right? Of course everything they needed had been brought by the movie crew…Can you notice the pattern? My brain refused to switch off, a prerequisite of enjoying such movies especially as they feature an old-ish Tom Cruise.  Who has to be the Chosen one no matter what.

Ok, 29- 68 minutes into the movie.

If you a real Egyptologist you’ll  ignore even a seriously ill, possibly dying man as long as you can examine an unknown sarcophagus lying nearby. To prove your total commitment all Egyptian inscriptions you’ll read aloud, translating them immediately into English.

The US Army fly carton-and-plastic toys which can disintegrate without any reason.

Now one asset of this flop – the best line was delivered by Russell Crowe and it went like this: “Come on, son. Mayhem, chaos, destruction. The ladies will love us.” What a pity there were no more of these.

Ahmanet might be a kick-ass princess and  devil incarnated but still she needs a mate. Badly. A man to support her with his strong arm. By the way, when did she have time to learn proper English?

Final verdict:

If, after watching a movie, you find out you had smiled just once and had been able to watch tv simultaneously and write a review on the side, the said movie was a waste of time.

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6 Responses to Movie review: The Mummy (2017) directed by Alex Kurtzman

  1. blodeuedd says:

    Please give me Fraser back

  2. Carole Rae says:

    Oh girl. I can’t believe you actually watched it! I loved, LOVED the old Mummy movies even the one when they went to China, but this? No…I will not try it. And I agree with Blodeuedd, BRING BACK FRASER!

  3. heidenkind says:

    I was looking forward to this movie because it’s based on Anne Rice’s The Mummy (which I improbably enjoyed), but then the reviews were so bad. Maybe someday if I catch it on cable…

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